Why you are never going to get married, EVER

I went to the yahoo homepage to check up on my college pick 'em score today and I noticed this featured article. Usually I ignore the romance/dating articles, but I thought this one, that promised to share "secrets that no one will ever tell you even under extreme torture" might be interesting. I was hoping for something juicy, like "100% of couples who don't get divorced spend at least one day entirely naked once a year for the 1st 5 years of marriage."

I was extremely disappointed when the article didn't contain any dramatic revelations. It's actually kinda boring and I tuned out and quit reading it about half way through. But I really liked the first few paragraphs. HERE'S WHY:

Outside of the BYU-Idaho track system, I strongly believe that chick flicks and Disney are the major factors preventing us (single people) from dating more and experiencing satisfying relationships.




Here's what I've learned about real life, IT BITES. Either we live in a monotonous routine because we are afraid to leave our comfort zone and break habits, or we take our chances and end up experiencing 1000 times as much failure as we do success. I've found that what makes me happy is taking those chances, hoping to succeed, but knowing that I'll be just fine if I fail.

My experience has been that failure makes for a better story than success as long as you can laugh about it afterward. Too often I think people will hold on to the pain of failure because they feel like it is an excuse to fall back into the same routine, where they feel safe and secure (and more often than not, bored out of their mind)

The stories I like to hear usually have a surprise, like someone trying to get intimate and then getting a bloody nose. Or the guy/girl who you thought was perfect giving you a peck on the cheek, then immediately howling at the moon, causing you to give them an abrupt slap that leaves a hand print on his/her face for 3 days.

To me, that is so much more entertaining than sappy fantasy where you're walking through a field of roses where there happens to be a string quartet playing every note perfectly as you gaze into each others eyes and fireworks go off . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The truth is that for most people, their first kiss was not their best kiss, most dates are kinda awkward, and most relationships you enter into cause you to question your own judgement. SO WHAT?

As I see it, you have two options:
1: Quit worrying about personal hygiene so people know you have been abused and live the rest of your life in bitterness swearing to never care about anyone ever again.
2: Take a day or two to whine and complain and cry if you need to, and then move on, quickly. And do it for your own happiness, not to spite the person who wronged you.

You are better off learning to laugh at yourself, so that you don't feel as stupid when everyone who else hears about it laughs also.

Agree? Disagree?

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

I was doing my Christmas Shopping yesterday (December 24) and while at Deseret Book, I made an interesting discovery. Why are these books for sale at Dessert Book? Because Normons (I guess that's the nickname for members of the LSD church) obviously worship the devil. In fact, didn't the Book of the Mormons have a Golden Compass in it? Jonas Smith (being a prophet) must have looked into the future and watched this movie. Then changed the name of the Golden Compass to the Liahona and wrote a book about it.

Sorry if anyone was offended by that last paragraph, I think anyone who has served a mission has heard people come up with stuff more ludicrous than this on a daily basis. One of my buddies who served in Chicago told me about how he knocked on a lady's door, and she told him of how she "had a friend" who was in the Salt Lake Temple when she saw one of the spirits that apparently wander around freely inside. She was so scared she jumped out one of the windows but wasn't hurt because she landed in the Salty Lake.


right.

Where Did Everybody Go?

For some reason everyone left town at the same time besides Ford, Tom, and me. Inevitable boredom has followed.
Here are a few things we've done so far:
Taco Bell - Eat food, heavy metal
Wal-Mart - Obtain dog food dish to poison Bernii (our neighbor's gay dog)
K-Mart - Purchased women's pajamas; started a choir featuring dozens of creepy singing stuffed aminals singing three different songs, none were in unison.
Thigh Food Home: Registered for online dating sites. Not to find love, but wholesome entertainment. I entered all my information but used a picture of Tom dressed up as a clown. (He looked creepily similar to that Bubbles guy who always shows up at birthday parties)
I also added a picture of myself and registered user names such as Steely Maverick, Maverick 6, and Patrick Fly.
Surprisingly, I've gotten a lot of response. Many females winking at me, inviting me to chat, etc. Some of them are just plain scary, but some of them are attractive and seem normal. Apparently I can wink back at them for free, so this may go on for some time, because they have a financial pitfall in place if you try to give them any information besides "I like to wink with you."
These little boxes pop up that say stuff like "take the next step! email (or chat with) her now for free!" I click on the link and the first thing it asks for is my credit card number, which for some reason I can't receive my free 3 Day Trial without giving to them. I guess they just keep it on file so if I fail to cancel by calling 3 separate 1-800 numbers during specified hours during my trial, they can immediately begin charging me $50/month due before using the service that month.
I might do it, I can always sue them for false advertising and get it back. The only reason I joined was because they said this girl ------------>
wants to talk to me, and I haven't seen or heard from her yet.
Then I had the realization that the girls I interact with won't know if they're dealing with me, or Tom in clown form. I don't want to disappoint anyone, but if I had the choice between dating Tom or myself, I pick Tom. I came up with a few good reasons why.
First, throw out the physical attraction factor which is usually so important in dating because I'm not into guys. This would be one of those relationships where we go out all the time, but don't ever touch each other. Kinda like in middle school, except without the notes.
Now the reason I would rather date Tom than myself is that I think I'd get lonely dating myself. I can keep myself entertained for a long time by watching movies, reading books, singing loud and out of key to the music I have turned up way to high so I can still hear it when I leave the room, talking to myself, solving world hunger, designing a playoff system to replace the BCS, etc. But eventually I'm going to want to go out to eat, and I don't really enjoy going to restaurants by myself. Also, Tom has 3 cars and an I-phone.
Please leave your thoughts, not on whether you'd rather date Tom or me, but on whether you'd date yourself or a friend. Also if you have any ideas of things Tom, Ford and I could do between now and whenever Rexburg becomes populated again, we'd greatly appreciate it.

The Ugly Place I've Often Called Home

For those who have never strayed from the I-15 or the stretch of Highway 20 between Rexburg and Idaho Falls, here is what you are missing.

There is a simple hike less than an hour's drive away from Rexburg where you can watch the sunrise over the Tetons. I've been wanting to experience this for years, but haven't found anyone who wants to do it with me yet.





Drive 25 miles from Rexburg in any direction besides due South to Idaho Falls and there is a good chance you will see something pretty. Drive farther and you may find something
breathtaking.








Why is this picture not as good as the other ones? Because I took it. I don't claim to be a photographer or have a nice camera.
I'm also sorry I don't have a better layout. The placement of text and images on Blogger isn't as simple as InDesign or even Microsoft Word.

Jim's Shorts

I was thinking today about gym shorts. They are named after the location they are designed for. I guess sometimes they can be called basketball shorts. For people who only shoot hoops and don't use shorts for racquetball, dodge ball, floor hockey, or just running and stuff like that, basketball shorts can be an accurate description.
But let's be honest, I haven't been to the gym for at least 5 or 6 months. Yet I still wear this article of clothing to bed every night. (excluding those occasions when I pass out on someone's couch during a movie) If I were to make a rough estimate, I would say about 95% of my friends (especially those of the male persuasion) wear them to bed AT LEAST twice as much as they wear them to the gym. So shouldn't we start referring to them as bed shorts?