I can't believe smell you later replaced goodbye

Hey everybody, I'm moving to Arizona. I didn't know who to tell or how to tell, so here it is.

What's in a Nam Anyway?

One thing I've learned in life is that people are perceptive to different things. Some people remember what certain people wore on certain days, some people notice when other people get haircuts, and then there is me. I happen to notice how people spell their names. For some people I guess this just isn't important.
Allow me to elaborate with a common example. I'm at some social gathering and I get a girl's phone number. Then she says something to the effect of "omg, lol, text me, ok? ttyl!"
So I send her a text message within the next day or two that says "Hey (Ashley, Brittany, Megan, Rachel), this is Quinn. What are you doing (tomorrow, wednesday, this weekend, etc.) Do you wanna to (go snowboarding, skydiving, backpacking through europe) with me?"
Then I get the response, "hey quin! totes def i wanna (watch paint dry, see you try to learn how to use a yo-yo, watch the NFL draft) with you!"
Come on, seriously?
I cannot even count how many times this has happened, but probably twice.
On other occassions, I've had people write on my Facebook wall: "yo quin! what's up?"
What's up? Oh not much, just my name, spelled correctly, listed right above your wall post. I'm sorry for making things so difficult.
I know, I know, the second "n" is silent. It shouldn't even be there.
On a side note, for anyone interested, I'm going to take a wak over to the wel on the hil later today. We may tos a bal around, and stay the night at the Holiday In.
I've known a few Quinn's in my life, and none of them spell it with one "n."
I typed "Quin" in a facebook search, and in the first 11 or 12 pages, there were only two or three people who had the name "Quin" and the rest were all "Quinn." I got bored of looking after that, but I can promise you that the three dudes named "Quin" either have parents who also happen to be brother and sister, or they are using "Quin" as an abbreviation for Quinton (Quinten) or Quincy.
I even took it a step farther and looked up the origin of my name on Google. It's Irish and was derived from O' Quinn, which came from O' Cuinn, which means "descendant of Quinn." Cuinn, by the way, is a form of Conn. What's the common denominator here? THE SILENT "N!"
Still have your doubts? Ask Bob Dylan, or Denzel Washington.
Oh, I also typed in "history of the name quin" in google. And the first thing google did was ask me, "Did you mean history of the name QUINN?"
YES!
Of course I did! Quin isn't even a real name! Oh wait, here's the history of it . . . "a variant of the name QUINN!"
That means Quin with one "n" is to names what the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is to religion. Have fun practicing polygamy and raping teenage girls Quin with one "n," but please don't impede my pursuit of becoming a more caring, loving, serving person.
I know at this point most of you are thinking, "ok, we get it calm down."
And I'm just waiting for all your clever comments on this post that start with something like "hey quin! blah blah blah blah blah." Well let me save myself some time and acknowledge your wittiness right now.
The truth is I don't really care that much, I wrote this post for your entertainment. There are a lot worse things than forgetting how to spell someone's name, like forgetting someone's name altogether. Chances are, I probably forgot your name after the first time we met . . . and the second time . . . and the third time, but I usually get it by the fourth time.

He Without Sin Cast the First Stone

I recently had some surprise encounters with a few women whose line of work varies from the food and call center industries that dominate the college town in which I reside. For those of you who are not familiar with my boredom induced entry into the online dating world over last Christmas break, please refer to the following post:

Where did everybody go?

Basically I created a profile on every dating site I could find and then didn't do anything else because every site charges you to interact with people. To avoid spam, I set up a fake email account on yahoo to register with each service.
As expected, my inbox is bombarded with dozens of messages every day. I mostly ignore and delete these messages, but one day I noticed that I had been contacted by some brilliant women who were able to disguise their Yahoo chat i.d. in their online dating profile by creating a name like:

my_yahu_id_is_kate32_adme_on_mesunger

The idea struck me as sheer genius! Sure some website administrator would probably soon discover their trickery and eventually delete their profiles, but in the meantime they had fooled the system and were able to get in contact with a multitude of guys without paying a dime to the dating service.
My curiosity soon got the best of me and I created a yahoo messenger account to communicate with these unbelievably intelligent women. Upon logging on to yahoo messenger for the first time, the following conversation took place:

Cherry Caprice: Hey babe
Me: Um, hi, do I know you?
Cherry Caprice: Not yet, do you wanna see me naked?
Me: What? Are you always this forward with guys?
Cherry Caprice: I gotta be honest with you, I'm a webcam model.
Me: Noooooooooooo! (I didn't type this in the chat box, I just screamed it out loud)

I immediately logged off and deleted Cherry Caprice from my list of chat friends. She wasn't a savvy online dater, she was just a smart stripper finding unique ways to add to her clientele!
I had been duped.
Were all my new yahoo chat friends porn stars?
Was I so foolish?
My next course of action was to terminate all association with these strange women, and distancing myself from yahoo messenger forever. Then the words of music revolutionist Wyclef Jean came to mind.

"Just cuz she dances go-go, that don't make her a ho, no."

I realized that shunning those whose lifestyles do not reflect my morals is not necessarily the best course of action. I could befriend others without taking part in activities that I have no desire to be a part of.

A few days later I boldly logged on to Yahoo messenger again. This time determined to demonstrate a pure love toward my unknown sisters, and show them that not every relationship they develop has to be based on lustful encounters.

I was only logged on a few seconds before being approached by another girl:

Lhea Lovely: Hey sweetie
Me: Hi pookie face!
Lhea Lovely: How are you?
Me: Superb, thanks for asking. How are you?
Lhea Lovely: I'm bored, you wanna have some fun?
Me: Sure do, I noticed they have a games tab on the chat box. We can play checkers, chess, or backgammon against each other online!
Lhea Lovely: Or you could watch me shake my booty
Me: You sure don't mess around, do you?
Lhea Lovely: Do you have any pics?
Me: Yes, but I've been talking to you for like 3 minutes. How do I know that you're the pretty face in the profile picture you've posted, and not some 40 year old gay male rapist?
Lhea Lovely: Hmmm, do you have a webcam?
Me: Nope, sorry
Lhea Lovely: Ok, I have to be honest with you. I'm a webcam model, if you register on my link, then you can watch me get naked.
Me: Oh, I see. Sorry, I'm not into porn.
Lhea Lovely: It's not porn babe
Me: How is you getting naked not porn?
Lhea Lovely: Because you come into my room and I do whatever you tell me to, it's just you and me.
Me: That's still not how I prefer to interact with women.
Lhea Lovely: Well what do you prefer?
Me: Meet at a social gathering, I get the phone number, text after a two or three days and meet up for lunch, then if things go well, we go from there.
Lhea Lovely: I see, we can totally meet up. I just need you to get on my link babe.
Me: I told you I'm not going to do that
Lhea: It's just so we can talk
Me: Aren't we doing that right now? When are we meeting up?
Lhea: We'll talk about it when you register on my site
Me: You're a good salesperson
Lhea: So are you going to do it?
Me: How old are you?
Lhea: 19
Me: I think I'm out of your league. I'm at least 23, probably a few years older
Lhea: C'mon hun, just register on my site.
Me: Do you wanna get married?
Lhea: It depends
Me: On what?
Lhea: If you can take care of me
Me: Oh that wasn't an offer, just a question. I was just wondering if you were interested in someday marrying someone, I don't know you nearly well enough to propose.
Lhea: We'll be able to get to know each other better on my site, and then we'll hook up in person.
Me: How do you know you want to hook up with me in person?
Lhea: Cuz I know you're a good guy babe.
Me: No you don't. I'm a 60 yr. old one-eyed midget that murders anyone who looks at me the wrong way
Lhea: I see
Me: No you don't, I don't even have any pictures of me up.
Lhea: Ok
Me: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so rude. I'm trying to be your friend.
Lhea: Ok
Me: Great! Well I gotta go, keep in touch best friend!