Well let me explain with a story. Once upon a time I logged into blogger and the entire format had changed (like in life, R.I.P. Sam Means/Nate Ruess). I spent anywhere between five and nine good seconds of my life looking at the new layout before thinking, "this is different...I'll figure this out later." Then I closed my laptop and never came back to blogger.com again.
Until now.
What epic adventure has happened in my life that has caused me to come back? Well, a few months ago I had a physical because hey, I'm paying for insurance and never getting medical care or drugs, so I might as well use it for something, right?
Turns out after decades of a diet that consisted of whatever I want whenever I wanted, (and sometimes much more than I wanted just to prove I could eat more than people who weigh twice as much as me) my health is beginning to deteriorate in my advanced age.
Gone are the days of low blood pressure, healthy levels of triglycerides, blood sugar, bad cholesterol, and good cholesterol.
It's a new era for me, an era of low blood pressure, healthy levels of blood sugar and bad cholesterol, AND MODERATELY LOW LEVELS OF GOOD CHOLESTEROL. So basically, I'm dying.
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| I'm almost as extinct as pink cars |
First there's my part. Eat more foods with good cholesterol. Too bad for you moderately low level of good cholesterol that I love anything that includes avocado. Anything. I've even had avocado milkshakes straight up, that's what two years walking the streets of cities in the Amazon Rain Forest will do for you. CHECK.
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| Avocados fresh off the tree, just the way nature intended them |
How does this concern anyone else? Glad you asked. I find exercising by myself to be boring. I'm not the kind of guy to pump iron by myself in the gym because:
1) I'm pretty sure most of the guys aren't doing it right and are causing more harm to their joints and muscles than good
2) I have no desire to have one of those gross body builder competition muscles on top of muscles kind of bodies. To those body builders who have stumbled upon my blog, I respect your dedication and steroid use, I mean dedication and hard work (pretty much the same thing but I couldn't find something else I respect). But you look gross, I'm sorry. And that's all going to turn into fat soon, you can't sustain it.
So I need people to go hiking with. Why? Because it's exercise and you get a lot better views than those of the sweaty guys in cutoff t-shirts that fill your vision at the gym. If I wanted to see that I wouldn't have retired from The Vans Warped Tour 12 years ago (and then again 8 years ago after a brief un-retirement, I'm like the Michael Jordan of Warped Tour).
Also if someone wants to burn me copies of the Insanity DVD's, that would be great. Because while I don't want to exercise alone, I do want to exercise with some guy on a screen showing me how to do it correctly, but I don't want to pay for it until I've tested it. After which I'll have no reason to pay for it because I'll already own it, minor detail, I'll still contribute to our recovering economy in other ways, I swear.
This is my passionate plea. I'm not asking anyone to run a 5k for my cause, or change your Facebook profile picture to your favorite cartoon character. I just ask that you save my life from my debilitating, moderately low level of good cholesterol. For those who are skeptical, maybe these inspiring words by as sung by Henry Churches himself will change your mind:
Would you dance
If I asked you to dance?
Would you run
And never look back?
Would you cry
If you saw me crying?
And would you save my soul, tonight?
If I asked you to dance?
Would you run
And never look back?
Would you cry
If you saw me crying?
And would you save my soul, tonight?
I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.
Thank you for your consideration.
Fondly,
QPM
