You Can Have Too Much of a Good Thing?

The truth is that everyone is a hypocrite . . . except me. 

A few nights ago I was in a car that had some women in it and somehow the conversation turned to kissing.  We started talking about how many people we had kissed in an allotted period of time and in our whole lives.

I don't keep track of that number.  It's not that the number is insanely high or hard to count, I just don't.  Am I the only one? 

So while everyone else rattles off a number and moves on, I sit there trying to recall the last decade of my life and debating whether the few that happened at parties or during games or on New Years Eve actually count or not.

This time instead of putting a definite numerical value on every spit swapping occurrence of my life, we only discussed the people I've locked lips with since moving to Arizona two years ago.

Compared to a lot of my friends in The Grand Canyon State, I'm probably considered a lonely man in the middle of a drought.

But I get the impression that some of my college friends think I get passed around more than catch phrase at a mormon game night. 

So what is the standard?  Who determines the line between floozy (floozie, floosy, floosie) and prude?  There is no pamphlet or scripture stating "Thou shalt not kiss more than 3 women in any 6 month period of time."

So who decides how much is too much and how much is not enough? . . .  Well, I guess I do. 

The beautiful thing is that it takes two to tango.  So listen up "all the single ladies," here are the new rules, and remember, the guys can't receive more kisses than you bestow upon them:

1- Don't give away your kisses like candy (unless it's to me, because I really value candy, even if we mutually decide after a while that your candy is making me diabetic, or obese, or causing my teeth to rot, I still appreciate the candy that was given and rarely talk bad about that candy afterward)

2- I just went back and read number 1 and feel I should apologize for getting so carried away, but I'm not going to. I just got going on that ridiculous, egotistical metaphor and I couldn't stop, I'm not apologizing, just explaining.

3- Don't kiss more people than I do.  After extensive research I have come to the conclusion that I have achieved a perfect balance in when to succumb and when to walk away.  So when Jonny smoothtalker is making you laugh and making your heart beat faster with every touch, don't think to yourself "What would Quinn do?"  But rather think "What has Quinn done lately?" 

It would be wrong of me of me to guarantee success and happiness for following this guideline, BUT ... ah what the heck, I guarantee that you will almost always be happy and successful if you follow this guideline!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111
heart,
k-WIN