In Defense of Rebecca Black

Friday really is not that terrible of a song.  I mean it is, but ask yourself honestly, is it really any more mindless than any other pop music that has been crammed down our throats lately? Rebecca Black, to her credit, has already mastered the trend of leaving out unnecessary words like "are" from her songs (we so excited, we so excited), so she must be on her way to stardom.

I try to listen to the radio here in Arizona every once in a while to help me be a well rounded person.  A person who is at least a little bit aware of what is happening in pop culture.  The harder I try, the harder it gets.  Lately, it's been terrible.

We have a few stations in the Grand Canyon State that are dedicated to "jams."  I used to think "jams" meant modern rap, hip-hop, and r&b type stuff.
 
As it turns out, "jams," - as defined in 2011 in the Valley of the Sun - means Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Katy Perry, Rihanna and maybe a little Bruno Mars or Enrique Iglesias thrown in here and there.  That's it.  I'm serious. 

I can guarantee you that if I were to hop in my car RIGHT NOW and toggle back and forth between the two or three "jams" stations on a 30 minute drive, I could tell you exactly which songs I would hear:
born this way;
kiss me, k-k-kiss me, alien something, something or another 
sticks and stones may break my bones but something something, something excite me
this place about to blow oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Not only would I hear each of the songs that these lyrics belong to, I would put money down that I would hear them all at least twice.  With the only change up being a blast to the past hearing "deee jay turn it uh uh uh uh up, deee jay turn it uh uh uh uh up."

Now I promise I'm not just being sexist. Men are just as capable of creating bad music as women. Nickelback is turble (that's terrible, in Barkley speak), and I am convinced that "The Reason" by Hoobastank is easily the most overrated and redundant love song ever.  I also appreciate the female influence groups like The Fugees and Arcade Fire (as seen in picture below . . . ok, Arcade Fire is not in the picture below, but it's me at Arcade Fire, with John, Phil and hair on my upper lip)

That being said, here's my rant: 

Ke$ha, I've seen you live (on T.V.) and I can tell you that Quinn Patrick Merrill trying to sing Michael Jackson on karaoke night is more on pitch than you are.  Also, your songs have gotten progressively worse since "tic-toc."  Same thing applies to Rihanna and "umbrella." (ella, ella, eh, eh, eh)

Lady Gaga, you've done a great job at being the next Madonna and I mean that as a compliment.  Britney and Christina tried to do it and you've made their attempts seem silly and weak.  It helps that you're far enough away from the 80's and 90's that most teenagers don't really know who Madonna is anyway.  You are probably the most talented of today's recently emerged pop divas.  Now despite your commendable hard work, the novelty has worn off a little with this last song.  Please come up with something better than "born this way" and just accept that whether you meant for it to or not, it sounds strangely similar to a song written years ago by the woman you emulate.

Katy Perry you are the most desirable out of all the aforementioned group, but you're ludicrously overplayed.  So much that I really can't take listening to you most of the time.  It pains me to say this, but I wouldn't mind seeing you disappear for a little while.

So what makes Rebecca Black more bearable than these pop stars? Let me break it down:
She's not on the radio, just YouTube.  You have to actually seek her out instead of having her thrown at you all the time.
She looks pretty good when she wakes up and rolls out of bed in the morning (judging from her video)
I saw her sing acapella and she does ok without the help of synthesizers.
My one year old niece dances to "Friday" and it may be one the most adorable and funny things I have ever seen.

So you go, Rebecca Black.  Live out your dreams.  Sing a duet with Justin Bieber.  You're song is not well-written or intelligent in anyway, but it's not the worst song ever.  It's not even the worst song of 2011.

Side note: I fell asleep at my computer once while typing this post, and once in the middle of holding the backspace key to get rid of the three pages of ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd I had typed while sleeping the first time.