He Without Sin Cast the First Stone

I recently had some surprise encounters with a few women whose line of work varies from the food and call center industries that dominate the college town in which I reside. For those of you who are not familiar with my boredom induced entry into the online dating world over last Christmas break, please refer to the following post:

Where did everybody go?

Basically I created a profile on every dating site I could find and then didn't do anything else because every site charges you to interact with people. To avoid spam, I set up a fake email account on yahoo to register with each service.
As expected, my inbox is bombarded with dozens of messages every day. I mostly ignore and delete these messages, but one day I noticed that I had been contacted by some brilliant women who were able to disguise their Yahoo chat i.d. in their online dating profile by creating a name like:

my_yahu_id_is_kate32_adme_on_mesunger

The idea struck me as sheer genius! Sure some website administrator would probably soon discover their trickery and eventually delete their profiles, but in the meantime they had fooled the system and were able to get in contact with a multitude of guys without paying a dime to the dating service.
My curiosity soon got the best of me and I created a yahoo messenger account to communicate with these unbelievably intelligent women. Upon logging on to yahoo messenger for the first time, the following conversation took place:

Cherry Caprice: Hey babe
Me: Um, hi, do I know you?
Cherry Caprice: Not yet, do you wanna see me naked?
Me: What? Are you always this forward with guys?
Cherry Caprice: I gotta be honest with you, I'm a webcam model.
Me: Noooooooooooo! (I didn't type this in the chat box, I just screamed it out loud)

I immediately logged off and deleted Cherry Caprice from my list of chat friends. She wasn't a savvy online dater, she was just a smart stripper finding unique ways to add to her clientele!
I had been duped.
Were all my new yahoo chat friends porn stars?
Was I so foolish?
My next course of action was to terminate all association with these strange women, and distancing myself from yahoo messenger forever. Then the words of music revolutionist Wyclef Jean came to mind.

"Just cuz she dances go-go, that don't make her a ho, no."

I realized that shunning those whose lifestyles do not reflect my morals is not necessarily the best course of action. I could befriend others without taking part in activities that I have no desire to be a part of.

A few days later I boldly logged on to Yahoo messenger again. This time determined to demonstrate a pure love toward my unknown sisters, and show them that not every relationship they develop has to be based on lustful encounters.

I was only logged on a few seconds before being approached by another girl:

Lhea Lovely: Hey sweetie
Me: Hi pookie face!
Lhea Lovely: How are you?
Me: Superb, thanks for asking. How are you?
Lhea Lovely: I'm bored, you wanna have some fun?
Me: Sure do, I noticed they have a games tab on the chat box. We can play checkers, chess, or backgammon against each other online!
Lhea Lovely: Or you could watch me shake my booty
Me: You sure don't mess around, do you?
Lhea Lovely: Do you have any pics?
Me: Yes, but I've been talking to you for like 3 minutes. How do I know that you're the pretty face in the profile picture you've posted, and not some 40 year old gay male rapist?
Lhea Lovely: Hmmm, do you have a webcam?
Me: Nope, sorry
Lhea Lovely: Ok, I have to be honest with you. I'm a webcam model, if you register on my link, then you can watch me get naked.
Me: Oh, I see. Sorry, I'm not into porn.
Lhea Lovely: It's not porn babe
Me: How is you getting naked not porn?
Lhea Lovely: Because you come into my room and I do whatever you tell me to, it's just you and me.
Me: That's still not how I prefer to interact with women.
Lhea Lovely: Well what do you prefer?
Me: Meet at a social gathering, I get the phone number, text after a two or three days and meet up for lunch, then if things go well, we go from there.
Lhea Lovely: I see, we can totally meet up. I just need you to get on my link babe.
Me: I told you I'm not going to do that
Lhea: It's just so we can talk
Me: Aren't we doing that right now? When are we meeting up?
Lhea: We'll talk about it when you register on my site
Me: You're a good salesperson
Lhea: So are you going to do it?
Me: How old are you?
Lhea: 19
Me: I think I'm out of your league. I'm at least 23, probably a few years older
Lhea: C'mon hun, just register on my site.
Me: Do you wanna get married?
Lhea: It depends
Me: On what?
Lhea: If you can take care of me
Me: Oh that wasn't an offer, just a question. I was just wondering if you were interested in someday marrying someone, I don't know you nearly well enough to propose.
Lhea: We'll be able to get to know each other better on my site, and then we'll hook up in person.
Me: How do you know you want to hook up with me in person?
Lhea: Cuz I know you're a good guy babe.
Me: No you don't. I'm a 60 yr. old one-eyed midget that murders anyone who looks at me the wrong way
Lhea: I see
Me: No you don't, I don't even have any pictures of me up.
Lhea: Ok
Me: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so rude. I'm trying to be your friend.
Lhea: Ok
Me: Great! Well I gotta go, keep in touch best friend!