I CALL DIBS ON RED PANTS!!!

The truth is that you are probably going to lose if you end up with me on your team playing Halo, or Call of Duty, or any other game like that.  That's fine, I've learned to accept my deficiency as a gamer.

I'd rather play dodge ball and pose as a video game character, like in the picture below:

What I take issue with is the guys that look down on me like I'm less of a man because I'm not an experienced pro at shoot em up video games.  It's not like I lost an arm wrestling contest or a hot dog eating contest or something else manly, it's a video game . . . and it's not even realistic.

I know for a fact that if the United States were invaded and common men were called to the militia and handed automatic weapons to defend our country, I would use my peripheral vision and slightly turn my head to see to the side instead of spinning my whole body.  I would know if people were shooting at me without having blood splatter around the edges of my vision, and I wouldn't accidentally run off cliffs or into corners and spin 360's while shooting bullets all over the room when getting attacked by the enemy.

I just don't have the patience to develop my skills in these games.  You wanna game with me?  Let's bust out the original Nintendo and throw down some Contra.  If we can't save The Universe from the Vile Red Falcon in less than 20 minutes, I'm not interested.  That's a lie, I may throw an occasional Mario Brothers or Mike Tyson's Punch Out in there, but that's about it.  20 minutes, that's all you get.  After that I have more productive and worthwhile things to do . . . like update my blog.