So I never thought I'd grow up so fast. For the first time since graduating high school I've realized that the next job I take I'll probably have to commit to for more than 4 months, and I'll have to commit to living in the city I work in. Suddenly packing up and moving to New Jersey or California or Utah does not have the appeal it used to.
So I'm trying to decide between the following careers:
Rock Star
Cage fighter
Food taster
Superhero
President of the United States of America
Professional Athlete
Actor who kisses Natalie Portman in a movie, or Shakira in a music video (I'm not really into any other celebrities)
Maybe I could do all of them?
Things I'm lacking:
Rock Star: Ability to write good music
Cage Fighter: Strength (I haven't worked out since high school)
Food Taster: Ability to dislike any edible item I put in my mouth and therefore give a good evaluatioin
Superhero: Oh boy, well I wasn't born out of any type of tragedy, and I haven't played in toxic chemicals that cause me no harm, but alter my genes to give me special powers
President of the United States: Hmmm, this is probably the easiest one. President it is, now who do I pick as running mate?
Professional Athlete: Been there done that . . . what? No one else got paid for playing on the Golden Climax flag football team?
Actor: Whatever, if I do all these other things I can just date Natalie Portman until I'm middle-aged and our relationship can't stand up to the constant spotlight. Then I'll date the hottest 20-something-year-old former Disney star who makes Miley Cyrus look crazy, old, and washed up.
Also, since I'm famous I can start new trends. I will personally bring back the golden era of moustaches. I'm also going to make sombreros the next big thing, but mostly for rappers. They're going to take the place of big, golden, diamond-laced necklaces.
4 comments:
i dont think you have to know how to write good music to be a rock star, you just have to look good on stage and the record companies do the rest for you!
for the cage fighter... ya that might not be a good idea for you.
food taster? just fake it. make up so fancy words every time you taste something and no one will know the difference.
we could try throwing you into a vat of toxic waste but it's possible you could come out a super villain instead. and there's always the problem of actually finding a vat of toxic waste.
i think the president is your safest bet here.
professonial athlete? not even worth it. by the time you hit your mid 30's, you're useless.
actor is another one you dont have to be good at, you just have to look good on screen and the producers do the rest.
Professional karaoker. Every Tuesday night at the effin' Peppertree: Q. Patrick Merrill!
I vote cage fighter!
Like Ryan from The OC!
I know a guy that can help you train to be a cage fighter! He's a cool guy!
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